Deprifun

My BFF who said she wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore didn’t just leave me there all alone and friendless: she was so kind as to arrange a contact to a paid surrogate friend, i.e. a therapist who is supposed to be affordable. The idea is, this proves she just didn’t abandon me the first time I had a problem. I wish I had known this was an acceptable solution when SHE was grieving because her long-time boyfriend had left her, or was going in and out of hospitals and I would keep her company or run to the hospital in the middle of the night. I could have just said “I am not interested in playing nurse, but look, here is the number of an affordable nurse, am I not a good friend?”

Anyway – I contacted this BFF asking for more details, got insulted, counted to 12 bazillions in order not to explode, devised an e-mail which was a masterpiece of diplomacy and restraint and asked again, and finally got the number of this therapist, and my BFF said she would call ahead.

I psyched myself all weekend long, and then called this therapist to get a first appointment.

Rrrrrrrrrrrring….. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring…. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrringgg…. riiiiiiiiingggg….

RFH: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Me: Hello?

RFH: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Me: Hello?

RFH: Office of Dr. So-and-so, yes?

Me: Yes, hi, my name is AS; I got your number from Ms BFF, she called you last friday. I’m calling to get a first appointment.

RFH: Who??

Me: My name is AS; I got your number from Ms BFF, she called you last friday. I’m calling to get a first appointment.

RFH: Never heard of her. And we don’t accept any new patients.

Me: But this should already have been arranged…

RFH: We aren’t accepting patients.

Me: Oh. But… I will ask again Ms BFF then, because this had already been agreed.

RFH: Yes, inform yourself. Bye.

I hung up and was really put off. Already I’m against the whole idea of being depressed. And I know that this is not going to solve my problem. Plus I had to prostitute myself to get that number, and I was really nervous at the very idea of calling, and… I don’t even get an appointment??

But now, a little later, with a clearer mind, I get it! It was all a test! Even I know that for therapy to work, you must WANT to do it. So they can’t make it too easy for you! It MUST be that! So the Receptionst From Hell was only playing a part!

Either that, or the real receptionst has been knocked out cold and who answered me was really one of the patients?

We’ll see what the future brings me. To you, it brings a joke I stole from the Internet:

Psychiatrist to his nurse: “Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying ‘It’s a madhouse.'”