The Invisible Woman

Posted on: March 21, 2013


I have officially become invisible.

I can still see myself, but I have grown invisible to others. I realised it when I tried to contact the Blasted Thing, one of the persons I most care about: some three weeks after the last time we had a brief coffee, I suggested via Skype we could have coffee again. I was met with stony silence. Not even a “Sorry, I don’t have time – Don’t call us, we’ll call you – I’d love to, but right now I am tied to a solitary rock on the slopes of Mount Doom and having my soles tickled by a disgruntled orc, so that would be inconvenient”. Nothing. Would it have made the universe implode, dropping a couple of lines?
So, not to be too hassling, I patiently waited for two more weeks, and then asked, “Speech is silver? πŸ˜‰ “. Reply: nothing, nada, nichts, rien, niente.

Invisible. How cool is that? So what can I do with my new-found superpower? I know I am supposed to fight crime, but how boring, isn’t every single superhero doing that already? And I’m not very heroic in general, I am more the mischievous type. Plus, frankly, what would I look like, in one of those spandex superhero costumes? Oh, right, I forgot, I would look like nothing – and yet I think I would still manage to be embarrassed.

Anyway, first of all, bye bye, personal grooming, pretty clothes and make up and jewelry! No longer needed. I can eat all the chocolate I want and not care about that pesky zit on the tip of my nose!

Working will no longer be necessary, I guess. I could keep my job and I can think of quite a few new career opportunities, as a magician, entertainer, special effects specialist, or I could haunt castles and palaces and get paid by the touristic promoters, but I’m not sure handling with money is feasible at all, or anyway I will need much less.

I can go and live at Ikea, or just squat anywhere. Luxury hotel. Or big villa with a swimming pool. Might even manage to drive the owners out and get the place all for myself (note to self – get the keys BEFORE you go all poltergeist on them: you might be invisible, but that does not mean you can walk through walls).

For food I can walk into the very best restaurants and taste a bit of everything. I can also sneak into the kitchen and arrange the food on the plates in funny shapes and make the vegetables scream and plead for their life and totally freak the cook and waiters out.

I can go to the cinema, museums, and travel anywhere for free.

I can make my riderless bike the stuff of LEGENDS!

And then there will be the pranks. I will whisper into people’s ears. I will pull their hair. I will pretend I am their good conscience and scold them for all the meanness they dish out on a regular basis.

I will get to the computer of the BT, recall our chat and reply to myself , “Of course, I’d love to do coffee!” and see if this really makes the universe implode.


7 Responses to "The Invisible Woman"

hilarious I had to reblog this hope you don’t mind! especially loved the playing with the food LOL i am making the grandies salads like that LOL don’t let the so called friend get you down, its their loss.

Of course I don’t mind, on the contrary, I’m very honoured! This is the first time I get reblogged πŸ™‚

Reblogged this on My Blog and commented:
This was so funny I had to share! I think we have all been kilted and this is a great way to look at it LOL

This was such a GREAT read and a great way too look at things. Hope you don’t mind that I’m using the “PRESS THIS” and I’m borrowing your funny food picture as well. So freaking funny and great. Thank you for this inspiring write today. πŸ™‚

Thank you! I have NO IDEA what the “press this” button does, ,but you’re welcome to do whatever you want with this.

As for the pic, hm, how embarassing, it is not mine, I took it from the Net… I was sure it was watermarked anyway, so self-crediting, but I see now it isn’t… I’ll remedy it now.

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